normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
