he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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