He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
