sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
