I wish my penis had an off switch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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