U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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