Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
