do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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