I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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