I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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