I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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