And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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