Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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