I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
