i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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