U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
