I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
