Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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