chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
