i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
