So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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