woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
