I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Small penises have feelings too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
