what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
