from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
