Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
