Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
