I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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