So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
