I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize