that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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