I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
