she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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