I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
