What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
