His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
