how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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