i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
