Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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