I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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