So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
