He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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