I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
