I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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