dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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