So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
