He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
