I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
