so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
