no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize