How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When did angry sex become our thing?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
