I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
