It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize