I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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