then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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