every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
