dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
