HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
