mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize