God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
