I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
