No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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