i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
