Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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