i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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