he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
