if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
