i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
