Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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