yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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