just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
