You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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