All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
