a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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