is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
