Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
