apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
