what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
