I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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