Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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