Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
