your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
