I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
