All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
