I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
