Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize