so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
