omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
