By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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