he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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