Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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