I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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