If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
