I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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