Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
