No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
