So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
