You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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