Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
try to milk me bitch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
