Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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