I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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