You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just google imaged poop.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
