do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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