If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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