that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
