my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
